I don't know if it's the fact that I had to park in a parking garage to just get coffee today or that I got stuck in traffic trying to get out of the gas station or that everywhere is Dallas on the weekends is crowded; I get frustrated. I sometimes think that it's because "that's just Dallas." But it is not. I know that. Other cities are busy this way. But I don't like "busy." I have trouble in large crowds. Yes, I worked at a summer camp for 5 years where I was surrounded by a high volume of people...but those people were kids. I loved those kids. I got to lead those kids.
Maybe there is my issue---I have no control over these crowds. I have no specified place. So, I get lost in a shuffle, pushed aside in the restaurant when the other group is trying to get to their dinner reservation they made last week, I get honked at if I do not accelerate within the very first second that the light turns green, and I have to go down two more streets if I took the wrong turn just to get back to where I was because every road is a one-way street.
As one of my good friends once sang, originally by Frank Sinatra, "That's life." Yeah, I know that too. But let me just be throw-up guts honest: I am still not OK with it. Maybe the reason is the constant "itch." The constant discomfort of where I am. Because why?
I am a sojourner, just passing through onto the unseen. And there my heart is reminded that I do have a purpose in this city. In this place. Yeah, so I don't like crowds...but Jesus preached to crowds large ones, small ones. Now, I am no preacher...but I am an ambassador of the gospel. And by that---I must live where I am, love those around me, serve those around me--to glorify my God. Those who might not know me well might not believe that about me---but it's not about me. It's about Him. I can't let what others think infiltrate my thoughts. Because sometimes I get overwhelmed with mistakes I have made that are not reflective of the gospel.
He has been doing something very interesting in my life these last couple of months and my heart is being softened from a bitterness that I did not know was there. I have been blessed to be a part of a Bible study group with some of the coolest women. The way they love the Lord is more than encouraging, it's refreshing and most of all---life giving.
I have defined my life these last couple of years as having "Girl of Two Worlds" syndrome--meaning wanting to live this pleasing and glorifying life for the Lord and then just wanting to run far and be free of it all. But the latter is not freeing at all, it is confining, dangerous and lonely.
I had let my life get watered down and cold for reasons that we all do: shame, pride, selfishness...the list is long...but praise God for His grace. He has been captivating me in this season and showering me with blessings and palpable testaments of His love for me.
So, to the girl I was, to the girl I am, and to the girl I want to be--we are all the same: We desperately need Jesus. In 1Peter, he refers to believers as sojourners and exiles and in John 17, Jesus prays for his disciples who are not of the world.
Let me just tell you: I don't hate Dallas. There is a need in this city, as there is a need everywhere--for the love of Jesus to be made known. And that is through even the small moments of the day: like getting coffee after walking from the parking garage.
And so my brothers and sisters, if you do believe in the richness of our God and are a part of his royal priesthood--then you too are a sojourner passing through. Hopefully I will see you at the coffee shop, walking on the street, sharing the gospel with homeless man who stands at the corner of 75, spending quality time with your friends, spreading joy in a lifeless office at work...Regardless, keep marchin' on.
And to you all: You are loved.
-S
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Legally Blonde, Legally Mom
Tomorrow is my mother's birthday.
If you have met my mother, you have met my reflection in 30 years. And by that I mean: we look the same and in some regards we act the same. However, my mother is more of a woman than I feel I will ever be and if I ever come close to the woman she is, I will be thankful.
My ever increasing blonde-curly haired mother is a riot. But there is more to her than just her hair. She has a smile that can make any circumstance or problem crumble and break...because she stands in the hope of knowing that life is bigger. She inhales the fears of those around her and breathes out a comfort that makes those in her radius rest in a blanket of peace. She is goofy and out there, but sincere and honest as a child. She loves her family more than life itself and would keep all of her children at home forever if they would actually agree to it.
She is the kind of woman that feels bad for the lonely teddy bear on the shelf at the grocery store, so she purchases it...only to add to her collection, so it will no longer be the only bear on the shelf.
She is determined and grounded. She has taught me that when people tell you no or that you can not do it...you absolutely will do it and you absolutely can do it. She inspires by living. She is tender and humble, yet her love is severe and courageously loud.
But most of all, my mother is a funny woman. She will always be the first to remind you that it is Dr. Seuss' birthday. She lives life knowing that it is fleeting and if you let all of the trivial matters cloud your sight...you'll always be living in the storm. Rather, she smiles at what comes and shares her joy with those around.
My mom is one of my best friends whether she knows it or not. So, Mom, if you ever read this--Happy Birthday. You are one of a kind. I cherish you more than you will ever know. Thanks for always taking me off the shelf of the lonely teddy bears and loving me regardless. You are a woman to be admired. Thanks for being you.
-The Runt
If you have met my mother, you have met my reflection in 30 years. And by that I mean: we look the same and in some regards we act the same. However, my mother is more of a woman than I feel I will ever be and if I ever come close to the woman she is, I will be thankful.
My ever increasing blonde-curly haired mother is a riot. But there is more to her than just her hair. She has a smile that can make any circumstance or problem crumble and break...because she stands in the hope of knowing that life is bigger. She inhales the fears of those around her and breathes out a comfort that makes those in her radius rest in a blanket of peace. She is goofy and out there, but sincere and honest as a child. She loves her family more than life itself and would keep all of her children at home forever if they would actually agree to it.
She is the kind of woman that feels bad for the lonely teddy bear on the shelf at the grocery store, so she purchases it...only to add to her collection, so it will no longer be the only bear on the shelf.
She is determined and grounded. She has taught me that when people tell you no or that you can not do it...you absolutely will do it and you absolutely can do it. She inspires by living. She is tender and humble, yet her love is severe and courageously loud.
But most of all, my mother is a funny woman. She will always be the first to remind you that it is Dr. Seuss' birthday. She lives life knowing that it is fleeting and if you let all of the trivial matters cloud your sight...you'll always be living in the storm. Rather, she smiles at what comes and shares her joy with those around.
My mom is one of my best friends whether she knows it or not. So, Mom, if you ever read this--Happy Birthday. You are one of a kind. I cherish you more than you will ever know. Thanks for always taking me off the shelf of the lonely teddy bears and loving me regardless. You are a woman to be admired. Thanks for being you.
-The Runt
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